Decisions, Decisions

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I recently explored the idea of digging deeper into a life-changing decision I made in my past. Not that there’s just one, there are certainly plenty throughout my life. There are events where one might wonder, “What was I thinking?” or reminisce, “Imagine if I had chosen a different college?” or, “How would my life be different if I had said no?”  I imagine many of us can relate to a time in our life when we made a decision that altered the direction of our life. This likely happened more than once and with varying degrees of life-changing affects.

I wondered what it would be like to embrace those moments now, with the compassion and wisdom of a more experienced heart, in order to better understand the emotional place of those decisions.

So I explored this idea further, motivated at first by a common teenage experience (I fell in love), which led to a deeply wounding (spontaneous) decision I made years later as a result of that teenage decision. Using journal prompts and SoulCollage® I learned much about myself, but what I found most powerful was that I recognized my current self. Let me explain…

I didn’t look back and see a girl or a young woman I didn’t recognize, which I half expected (because I’m supposed to have grown and changed so much!). I saw me, struggling through growth and unrecognized fear. I saw in these decisions the best in me and the not so savvy. This was a woman I could still relate to 30-40 years later. But now I’m empowered with the deep lessons of experience and the wisdom that follows. I felt more compassion towards myself. And I recognized a pattern woven through each big decision up to my current life: decisions I made for others (out of fear), and decisions I made for myself (no fear).

This was an emotional journey, yet so incredibly insightful at the same time. I’d like to share the two cards I made that afternoon and a little of what these neters shared.

IMG_E7782Push and Pull

I am one who is part of your decision making process, those big ones. I am one who will push you to speak your truth when you are pulled by others’ opinions or when you pretend you don’t care what happens. I am one who will push you to speak your truth when you feel bound to go with the flow because you are worried about upsetting/hurting/losing someone else. I am one who will push you to speak your truth when you are so afraid that you try to avoid the responsibility of making decisions that affect your life.

 

 

 

UntitledIMG_E7781

I am the one that is holding the mirror up to your fear. I am the one who has a powerful shadow side you try to bury. I am the one you allowed to go against your nature. I am the one you willingly gave up the promise of children for. I am your biggest lesson. I am the one you almost honored. I am the one where fear masqueraded as love. I am the one you dodged.

These cards revealed parts of me that I rarely, if ever truthfully spoke about (willingly). Now they have a voice and I was even a little nervous to include the second, “Untitled” one into my deck, but of course it’s in there. At this point it’s one of my more “shadowy” cards and I’m sure it will continue to provide powerful guidance.

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Have you had a similar experience using your cards to bring more understanding to decisions from your past? What did you discover?

 

 

 

MH

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This entry was published on April 18, 2018 at 9:38 AM. It’s filed under SoulCollage® and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

9 thoughts on “Decisions, Decisions

  1. Nancy always speaks so eloquently and says all the things I wish I had thought to say. Love you sister!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. David and Nancy Salvatierra on said:

    Dearest Niece What a deeply moving sharing. At first, I was much overcome by sadness feeling the pain and fear I heard in your words. My heart cried for you little one. But then, there is the amazing healing, freedom and strength that has come from listening to your heart through your cards. I remain in awe of your growth and as always, in the quiet power of your words. I love you, auntie

    Sent from Mail for Windows 10

    ________________________________

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh Auntie XOXO Thank you. Our family has gone through much as a whole, and when I think of our individual journeys, I remain in awe of our collected strength and support among we Oberhaus women ❤ I believe that is big part of how I tackle life when it fights back, being bouyed and encouraged by my mom and you and Grandma, Marissa and the amazing men that are a part of our lives so lovingly 🙂 Thank you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Barbara Techel on said:

    Absolutely beautiful, Michelle. This resonated deeply for me. Some SoulCollage ® cards I made last year finally resulted in releasing something very painful I’ve been carrying with me for over 25 years.
    I look at those cards now and see so much more depth and quite honestly, not so afraid to look anymore. Thank you for sharing your cards and thoughts here…truly felt this in my heart. XO

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Barbara. I’m so glad it spoke to you too. This process continues to amaze me in the gentle power it brings in the release–or even just the acknowledgement of our painful holds. SoulCollage(R), when I let it come from the ‘rawest” honesty, has really changed my perspective on things I’ve carried around for decades ❤ I can relate to your experience with these cards honoring wounded parts, how they are not quite so scary anymore. I have found that I've been learning the most from my "darkest" cards lately–guiding me with their own light. Thank you so much fortaking time and sharing your comment ❤

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  4. Wonderful reads on both cards. I’m constantly amazed at when I look at a card I just made and start a reading thinking I know what the card is saying, because after all, I just created it…..but then my words just spill out without my guidance and it goes somewhere completely unexpected. Serendipity!

    Liked by 2 people

    • @Pownkies Yes! That happens constantly for me too, and like you I’m always amazed at the guidance that comes through (despite my assumptions), how it grows into something else more timely and meaningful for me. I love the process of SoulCollage(R), it facilitates these synchronicities and “openess” for us to let go of our expectations and receive what we need at that moment. Thank you for sharing! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you @deemallon, you know I didn’t even make that connection with the images of light in my shadow card, you are so right 🙂 From “where” the card was made and the initial reading of it surrounding a difficult memory, I was in its dark depths. I look foward to the next time this card comes up to see where it takes me. Especially if I do a welcome to the deck reading with it and other cards 🙂

    Regarding moments when these cards come up and remind us of our vulnerabilities, I can relate to that too. I am sometimes surprised when things come up that I really thought I was over. Therein lies the precise beauty of this process ❤

    Thank you so much for taking time to comment and share! Blessings 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. deemallon on said:

    What a terrific approach for making cards! Exploring what Ira Progoff called “the roads not taken”. I love that you recognized yourself and that the process opened the glad heart of compassion. I also find it fascinating and perhaps apt that the “shadow” card is full of light — both that generated by fire and that reflected by mirror. Your post makes me want to make a few of these.

    I’ll share a quick thing about making SC cards — I’m amazed at how often I am illustrating childhood trauma. I walk around thinking/feeling I’m so over it (decades of therapy, etc) and then here comes another card about terror and vulnerability.

    Liked by 1 person

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