This is a poem I wrote for Mother’s Day. A small offering of release in my continuous journey of healing which has lovingly settled into my porous bones. On the surface, it is a poem attempting to capture moments of motherhood. The ones that you experience for the very first time you learn you’re pregnant, to those that make you look at your child in happy awe, wishing you could capture that moment forever. But this poem actually speaks directly two sons that have changed my life forever.
Each line alternates, beginning with Benjamin, the son I lost before I had a chance to meet him or raise him, and my son, Jeffery who later changed my life a second time with the gift of his vibrant, crazy, colorful, huge loving life. Each line speaks to each son, and yet both at the same time. Even the wallpaper background became a metaphor with the line drawing as the foundation layer of my motherhood experience, now filling in with vibrant colors–a work in progress, just as the mother-son relationship I treasure with Jeffery continues to blossom—echoing what I hope and believe is happening on the other side with Benjamin 🙂
I decided to share this because I have been seeking bravery in my art, searching for my personal courage. I worry a lot about making people uncomfortable with my art or writing and I often hold back. I now think that is an excuse, and a convenient way to avoid the scrutiny, the critique, and more. Yet that is the kind of artful expression I am constantly moved by and drawn to. I’m struggling with taking the leap of making art from a deeper, more meaningful place. Moving within. It is intimidating to me, I have dipped my toe in these deeper pools plenty of times, but I always retreat to more familiar places within. I’m afraid of opening the flood gates from places I’ve yet to even know reside within me. But this poem encourages me and propels me to move forward. It is like my “hand on the door knob,” and sharing it here with you is me opening the door.
I would love to hear about the times your art or writing has helped you heal by venturing into unknown territory within. Any experiences you’d like to share?